A Baseball Miracle

On a beautiful March day in Eden Park, the all star baseball game between the characters of the Old and New Testaments is about to start. Moses is coaching the Old Testaments and Jesus is coaching the New Testaments. Prior to the first pitch, Jesus talked to the hot dog vendor, the temple merchant and asked, “How are your sales going today?”

“Just awful,” replied the merchant, “the crowd has been eating two fish and five loaves of bread all day. They aren’t buying anything. Just when the fish and bread appear to run out, all this manna falls from the sky. I’m going back to the temple.”

Moses, in the Old Testament bullpen choosing the starting pitcher said, “Let anyone among you with talent cast the first ball…. I didn’t think so, I will pitch.”

Goliath, the first batter, was ahead in the count when Peter hit him on the forehead, killing him instantly. Jesus went to the mound and said, “Peter, why did you hit Goliath, I gave you the sign to pitch outside.”

“No you didn’t,” said Peter.

“I gave you the pitch-out sign because Goliath is a tremendous hitter but is slow on the base path. We could  pick him off,” sayeth the Lord.

“I didn’t see any sign. How was I to know a rainbow meant to pitch outside?”

“If you saw the rainbow, you saw the sign,” said Jesus.

Peter replied, “What rainbow?” Just then, the cock crowed and Jesus said, “Get thee behind me, Satan; for you have denied me three times. I am bringing in a relief pitcher.” Turning to the crowd, Jesus asked who they wanted.

“Give us Barabbas,” the crowd roared. Peter stormed off the mound and lunged into the crowd, biting off a spectator’s ear after being heckled. Barabbas retired the final batters. The game went back and forth for several innings, with the Old Testaments opening a 5 run lead going into the bottom of the ninth inning. Moses, pitching a brilliant game, was tiring in the last inning. John the Baptist made the first out because he chewed his bat to a nub and struck out. Barabbas made the next out on a pop up to shortstop.

Judas, the next batter, got a base hit to left field. On the next pitch, he stole second and continued to third when the throw was wild. Jesus called timeout to talk to Judas. “How many times do I have to tell you, thou shalt not steal?” Jesus then replaced Judas with a pinch runner, Nebuchadnezzar.

This move caused a murmur among the New Testaments. “This is an important run. I don’t know why Jesus chose Nebuchadnezzar to pinch run. After all, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man get home,” said Matthew.

Zacchaeus, the next batter, squatted down, drawing a walk. He is only 4’ 10” tall standing and presents no strike zone at all when he squats. Lazarus approached the plate with runners on first and third. He had not been able to solve Moses all day, as he meekly struck out three prior times. He was determined to do better this time and crowded the plate. Moses hit him in the head with an inside fastball. Lazarus dropped dead on the spot. Thinking Moses killed Lazarus because Peter killed Goliath earlier, Solomon was about to toss him from the game when Lazarus popped up and trotted to first base.

The Old Testaments were 5 runs ahead, but the New Testaments had loaded the bases with two outs. When Jesus put himself in as a pinch hitter, Noah called timeout in order to talk to Moses. “Moses, we need to intentionally walk Jesus.” As they were talking, they turned to see Jesus there with them.

Moses shouted, “Lott, why didn’t you tell us Jesus was coming to the mound?”

“I didn’t see him. I wasn’t going to turn around,” replied Lott. Lott continued, “Jesus why are you in this meeting, you coach the other team?”

“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them,” came the reply. Jesus returned to the plate and with two outs, the bases loaded and trailing by 5 runs, he hit a 6 run homer to win the game. It’s a miracle!

Randy Russ
http://www.randyruss.com/