A Little Ditch Water Gives You Fiber
Have you ever wondered why 7-Up bottles are green? Well, I have. It is one of the many mysteries of life I contemplate. What time is it at the North Pole is another mystery. Yet another mystery concerns physics. If water swirls counter clockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere, then what happens when you flush your toilet on the equator? These are the types of things I ponder.I have a pragmatic answer for the 7-Up bottle mystery however. 7-Up bottles are green because the soda is clear and its inventor, Charles Leiper Grigg, did not want his product confused with plain water. Therefore it is Grigg’s fault my oldest sister, Frances, beat me up when I was seven.
It was a hot summer’s day and we were out of school. Back in those caveman days, there was only one car per family and my Dad used ours to go to work. That was when my sister came up with a business proposal for me. She would give me some money and I would walk to the store, one mile away, and buy her a 7-Up. In my seven year old mind, this proposal seemed equitable, so I accepted it.I made the trek to the store and purchased the ice cold drink from the owner, Mr. Denham. Mr. Denham, assuming the ice cold drink was actually for me and not for my cruel sister, performed an act of kindness which ultimately was my undoing; he opened the bottle with the opener hanging there (there were no twist off caps in the stone age).
The journey home began with me and an open bottle of ice cold 7-Up but it did not end that way. Did I mention it was a hot summer’s day? I had gone but a short distance before the first inevitable sip occurred. Many more followed and by the time I was in sight of home, the bottle was empty. Panicked and fearing the wrath of my 13 year old sister, I did what seemed normal; I filled the bottle with ditch water.I knew my sister would be able to tell the difference but the ruse of the ditch water would give me just enough time to escape. I set the formerly ice cold drink on the kitchen table and called my sister to come get it. As she came into the room, I slowly backed out so as to arouse no suspicion. When my sister took a big swig and swallowed some small leaves and twigs, I went into a full sprint.
Although Frances was bigger and faster than I, she could not catch me because I was more elusive. Just about the time she would get within arm’s length, I would dive under a picnic table. This chase went on long enough to acquire spectators. My older brother, Bill, and my middle sister, Julie, were cheering us on from the porch. The race took a fateful turn when I ran back into the house. After knocking over some chairs and sliding some tables, my sister caught me and beat me up. When the chaos entered the house, it caught the attention of my Mom. She had a unique way of dealing with things. Being the mother of five, if something went wrong, she would line up the four oldest and give us all a whipping. In this way she punished the culprit(s) in an optimum amount of time. My little sister, the accident, was a baby and obviously not the one who caused the trouble. So I came out of the affair with a beating from my sister and a spanking from my Mom.
Having me go for the 7-Up without getting one myself was unfair. If you are unfair to people, you might just be picking twigs from your teeth.
Randy Russ
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